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YESSSS!!!!!

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Felt like one of them years....

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Love my Mama...

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Rainy day flow...

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Nothing ...

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Eh eh. Eh eh .... I'm laughing right now!!!!

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Can't stop... Won't stop... :)

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Miss these ladies as well... I know they are doing their thing on the individual... But... Them together was ultra-magnetic.

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Miss this dudes sound... Real Philly Movement

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Caspa and Guetta remixes today... Fire

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Not too long ago, but it's been a long time...

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Kaskade & Deadmous 5... I Remember, Move For Me... Trance all day!!!!

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David Guetta, lil Brother, Mos Def today... What's on your playlist?

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When pushed up against a wall, out on your luck, and up a shits creek... You've got two options... Roll up in a ball, take the beating and crawl away on ur belly to lick ur wounds... Or... Stand up, be a monster and tell all those sons of bitches "I'm taking heads, fuck names!" be awesome... Even, and especially, in the face of defeat...

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What am I banging to today... Ebadu window seat, Armand Van Halen funk phenomenon, Kaskade move for me... Sons Of Anarchy on Netflix... What u got goings on :)

I'm becoming to engrossed with my neighborhood...

When I start recognizing nurses from Lincoln Hospital... I think there is a problem.

I think there's a reason I don't want to write

Why I don't want to paint.... Take pictures ... Create... All the great one die before their work makes an impact on the world... I am afraid of death... I fear my mortality... Yet sometimes I skate the rim a bit... That ... Is ... My ... Truth

It's the NEED...

I get it ... Sort of... When a woman (or man for the matter) says they don't love you anymore, it seems to me that they mean that they don't need you anymore... Vice versa... If they say they never needed you, that seems to mean that they never loved you... Still working on the concept, but it took a long time of pain, heartache, blah, blah blah to even get to this point. But I'll try to go from the first idea... No longer love/no longer need...

Being a man, I will speak from a mans point of view... So if a woman tells me she no longer loves me, that means in a way that I have outlasted my usefulness... I am no longer an asset and in some cases can become a liability. For a brief moment in time, I might even want to consider a marriage as a goods/services relationship... My date of expiration has passed.. I'm spoiled; tainted. So many ways I can see this... But it really comes down to one idea... As a person, object of affection, partner, husband... I am no longer needed. I've been used up and there is no more that can be resourced. So I'm out.

How does that make me feel... Unloved... Never loved to be more exact. How could there have been love if the only reason I was around was for usefulness... Like a tool, or that good hair dryer that she takes on every vaca... Or maybe that dude you got to get your situation corrected (whatever that situation is; I know mine). Whatever it was, it wasn't love. So that makes me feel awful.

Why it is my fault...
It is my fault in the idea that I let it happened. I settled for a second rate kind of love. I wasn't fooled into a relationship. I knew exactly what it entailed. I knew what she needed. I settled because I was willing to give her what she needed hoping that I would get what I needed in return. Two way street there people... I see clear that I was in the wrong because I was expecting her to love me the way I needed and wanted, but never understood how I wanted and needed to be loved. I settled for a second rate love that never materialized... The sex was good, but that's not love. I learned a lot about handling a relationship and handling a house and raising children and ... A lot... But all that, does not equate love. Love is given and not asked for. I put myself in a loveless situation. I put myself in a useful situation. In the end it's on me that my usefulness has run its course because love is the only lasting factor... And in this relationship, love was neither needed or useful.

Learning from my mistakes...
Hoping to have the opportunity to love and be loved again... The right way...

Open Your Eyes

Poly-Tick

Am I feeling weird about not watching republican poly-tick on the tele... Not really... Once you've partied with these assholes at strip clubs in Philadelphia... You get an idea that they don't respect us... Why listen to the watered down version... Hennessy usually helps republicans say what they mean - they mean to say ni--gas ain't sh-t and neither are they b---hes... Read between the obvious lies and somewhere down the line you come up with truth... It goes far beyond money and class (even though they have played a major part in the corruption of government-I refuse to say this nation because the nation has been corrupt since the signing of the declaration of indi... But, I digress). It goes beyond money and class... If you scrape away the labels and demographics played by a biased census... Theres one idea that looms... White=the plenty. Black (doesn't matter if u consider urself an African American, nigger, puerto rican, spic, asian, Korean, Chinese, etc... The list goes on)... Black=the least... Be it the least amount... The least considered... We are the least, because we have fought one another for so many hundreds of years (and continue to do so), races upon races looking to have favor in the eyes of their oppressor, it sickens me. We have proved over the years to be our own worst enemy. I don't blame us... I pray for us. I weep for us. I stand for us, only to have someone that looks like me (in the eyes of our oppressor) come knock me down... I'm venting, I know... But for real... Watching these republicans poly-tick on the tele is the least of my concern... I have to figure out how make sure my children don't grow up fighting one another... Good night. I got to go into the plantation tomorrow and help owners kick tenants out of their apartments tomorrow Smdh... I got more to say about this... But not now... The Least are still not ready for the truth

Back home

I so do not envy pa residents... They got that

Sons birthday today

It was a great day for him... He really enjoyed himself with all his family (both sides) around him. Happy birthday, poppa... I love u...

On another note, I haven't felt this unhappy in a loooong time. Somethings got to give.

Brain Un-filtered 1

Trying this one out for size ...

As I said before, I'm at work early today... Not really... I'm sitting in my car "people watching". On this day, however, I want to think about somethings to help me maintain my focus... I just can't recall what those things are :) so I'm gonna leave it like this... Some people are crazy by choice... Others have no excuse... Deuces.

At work early

Soon I will be to work early everyday due to my son Z coming out of school at 4pm everyday... I don't mind it. Get a good parking spot... Get into my day a lil more focused.... Get a good nites sleep... Eat a good meal the night before... I can do this... I'm gonna have to for the good of family.

Coffee Filters

I want to officially thank my cuz, my sis... My whatever anyone else wants to call he to me this week... She saved my mental state by providing me with the much need coffee filters to have my morning java... As many know, I'm a hot mess without my coffee in the am, pm and the late eve... I'm a work in progress ... Don't judge

I'm sooo putting this in my blog

At 2 in the morn, I'm do content with writing a blog... Wish I could be sleeping... I'm just a bit to strung... Up/out... Playing words with friends... I had to post something in the way of this since I spoke to Tasha and she reaffirmed that I do not pay as much attention to this blogging stuff... Only be ause I really have nothing to say to anyone.... Actually, I have a few things to say to a few people, but they are not that important that i have to clear my schedule to actually do it... I'll talk again soon... Maybe I'll have a coffee thought , but that might be some sort of plagiarism in which I would have to have some sort of royalties paid to Tasha. Ok... Anyone reading this... There is ur homework assignment ... I need a catch phrase or something that I can write about maybe once or twice a month/week.... Get me excited about writing.... May be ... Random stripper thought? Maybe that's a bit much. Good night nurse

The enemy of my enemy

April will prove to be a momentous month... My wrath will be felt by many, but the acknowledgement of such shall be non-exist ant.

The end will come quick for most.... Routinely I lay out my best for the worst, and many of you have only slighted me in the past. Do not mistake my kindness for weakness. Your injury not by my hand should be taken as a blessing and then to be kept moving. I'm sure there are a few of you that will test the forces of the universe and come at me. Be forewarned. I can not determine nor anticipate what will become of you after the initial hit. I am but a vessel.

For those who have really showed out in the past... Your time is now. The hour you will not know... but know that I have not forgotten...

/i'm just playing...victoryismyonlyrevenge...upushmeforwardneverbackward\

I wonder sometimes if I'm cut out for this

I feel unappreciated at times... But just then... Out of the blue (which he often does) Zali says..."daddy, I love you" and goes about his business ...
You can't ask for a greater return on any investment at this point in the game... Let me go finish getting dinner together.